I am so sick and tired to be sick. And even though chronic pain is rough, chronic infections are worst because they isolate you in a way that becomes unbearable.
It all started on December 29, when I suddenly started shivering, feeling cold to the point of making my teeth rattle, as we, my son, his partner and I, were having our first quiet night after the rush of Christmas, catching up on Star Wars episodes 7 & 8. It was followed by a runny nose, then the next days, by a runnier one.
I had to get back home earlier then planned, and skip the New Year larger family gathering, not far from my son’s house in the countryside, which I was looking forward so much, as we had planned to play outdoor.
It was not a surprise, it is an annual Holiday gift from my granddaughters. For the last 6 years, since the oldest of the 3 girls started kindergarten. So I was prepared, I had already planned 3 appointments with the acupuncturist just as I returned in town. That and my many potions and practices in homeopathy, naturopathy, and energy medicine.
But to my surprise, and not, on January 10, I totally collapsed, unable to get out of bed for the next 3 days. The cold had turned into a bronchitis with a debilitating oily cough. The next day, my right eye was red of infection. The days after that I had mucus and blood in my stools, bringing back an ulcerous colitis that had been under control for at least 3 to 4 months.
On top of that, my stomach is now so upset by the medicine taken, that my gut is all messy, making it so hard to eat. My home made Komboucha is giving headaches. Fruits, gas. Vegetables, bloating.
And for whatever reason, I almost cannot drink anything since the ulcerous colitis was at its peak. Liquids go through me so fast, that I have to stay close by a toilet all the time. At night its every 1 or 2 hours, leaving me exhausted in the morning.
So because of all this, for the last 19 days, I have almost seen no one. Infections are gifts nobody wants to share. No wonder!
I just feel like those trees that have been planted on the side of the street. There by them self, cut off from their relatives. Roots severed from other roots, which could have provided nourishment, even maybe preventing my falling apart. And a sense of belonging.
And pissed off for being sick again. Sad because these limitations make it impossible for me to be with my loved ones, especially the girls. Cranky because of the lack of proper sleep, food and liquids. Frustrated for going through another of these patches, after all I do to prevent, stay in shape, and heal. And the fortune, that I don’t have, but I have to put in it.
I am so sick of being sick.
P.S. This morning, before being way too overwhelmed, I took a walk up to the Champ des possibles, to see a Maple with whom I have developed a relationship through the years. We hugged one another, until I felt his imprint on me. I sent him back gratitude, love and respect.