what about this gluey sadness?

this gluey sadness, hiding underneath so many layers of, what it seems, isolated, difficult moments, & showing up like the old unwelcome reflex that it has become, is not about my so-called personal failures, inabilities, or not owning my life

it is the trace of having been repeatedly cheated

of the liberty

of loving who I was attracted to, regardless of the gender, the color, the creed; what was resonating and felt meaningful, regardless of the norms, laws, the pretenses of the few

who, non stop, for centuries, on the excuse of civilizing the savages, of giving personal value to the common wealth, repeatedly, willingly, robbed all there was around, humans & non-humans, matter & culture, to satisfy the greed of their tormented mind, body, heart &/or soul

this gluey sadness, which is keeping my breath uncomfortably shallow, is about the impoverishment I feel for knowing so little about the others, the one-who-is-so-different-&-not-from-me, the one-who-is-other-than-human, because I/we were told that they were a threat to my/our becoming

& now, every day, I witness, learn, research, realize that a threat to my becoming is real, real to the extent that this Earth, this same Earth that allows me/us to stand & walk & lay down & have sex, that allows me/us to be fed & sustain & nurtured & amazed, is in danger

but not by those others, the one-who-is-so-different-&-not-from-me, the one-who-is-other-than-human, but by those who, from my early childhood and generations before, have tried to make me/us complicit of their crimes, & sometimes with success, because I/we came from their lineage, were forced to swallow their cis-gender, white skin so-called natural/divine laws, & taught to despise everyone/everything else

but where there is oppression, there is resistance

mine came through an painful rupture, the deconstruction/decolonization of most of my core beliefs, & an emancipatory rapture, the challenging, loving presence of a caring, diverse sisterhood, & the generous, wise, always transforming land that grounds me/us

& this resistance is growing by the minute – the youth, the women, the targeted are marching in the streets, are designing & birthing new partnerships, ways of being – contrary to gloomy omen that I/we are doomed

after all, if all this is the result of the beliefs & actions of the few, & not the true nature of reality, there is no reason why I/we can’t be part of the manifestation of the dream/creation of the many