There are days, like today, when I have almost no breath, feeling exhausted, having no energy for nothing, no desire for nothing, even going outside in this beautiful afternoon warming sun with my two granddaughters to celebrate my birthday.
It is the end of winter, I know, and after the snowstorm of last week – a swirly, windy and then flaky one -, I shouldn’t wonder why I feel somehow close to the end of my rope. But it’s not only that, it was also because since last autumn, I toiled, scrambled with six or seven infections, flu, bronchitis, a virulent viral conjunctivitis – it was not a pink eye anymore, it was a fiery red one – and now I am struggling with a never ending respiratory congestion. And why not, to go with it, a low level of iron and vitamin D. Maybe they are the reasons why I had all those infections in the first place, or maybe there are just side effects of my long term chronic diseases, who knows?
This is my story, but yours may be different, you might be facing a lack of running water, while it is -15°, because your artesian well is empty, a reality of living in the countryside; or your children are having another of their infectious episode as they generously share their microbes between them and the children of the kindergarten; or your partner is working outside town with a two hour commute, which means that he or she has to leave in the morning around 5 am and is back around 7 pm – beside all those times when traffic or snowstorm have made it impossible for him or her to simply come back home – leaving you all alone with all there is to do.
This might be also the story of many who live alone, who struggle with chronic disease, who are disabled, who are single parents, who live abroad far from their loved ones; of those who are committed citizens actively engaged to co-create a better world, who are tackling the delicate issues of gender, class, race, religion, disability, of systemic violence, Indigenous unbearable treatment, climate life threatening changes.
As I am concerned, this is when I know I should look for support, for a caring presence who would shower me with her loving energy. So I could be reminded, in a gentle way, that whatever I am going through I am part of All there is and has a part of the whole I should pay attention to what is keeping me alive, healthy and loving. A resilient organism able to promote and nurture the best within each and everyone. Including our living planet. And me.
This is when I will turn to a mantra like the Sarvesham Svartir Bhavatu mantra, and remind myself that I am also part of the Bhavatu, the “all”, to which I am offering this practice to; because too often I forget. As I chant it, over an over, I feel my awareness focusing toward what is essential at the moment, and if sometimes what needs my attention is the other – like the children singing in this version -, sometimes I am the one I should honor, see and take are care of.
∞ ∞ ∞
mari.e cornellier 