stepping out of rejection so we can truly care about one another

“Creative Communs Om Tare Tuttare Ture Soha” by Alice Popkorn is licensed under CC BY 2.0

As the nomination of Trump, as US president, is about to happen, it arises many strong feelings. For some, those who have voted for him, exaltation, contentment, but to many others, those who voted for Hillary, desperation, fear, and to the rest of us around the world, disillusionment, frustration… – and this list is not at all exhaustive, you can certainly add many more of them.

In this case, as in many other occasions when we are faced with extreme, or no so extreme, but quite disturbing situations, we are or can be instinctively possessed by a deep feeling of rejection. And if we need to defend our position, for a reason or another, we will find a thousand arguments to justify it. And, as in the case of Trump, we may be right. More than right, reality might give us every proofs imaginable to support our claims. In some other times though, like in the case of the queer culture, we might be wrong. Quite wrong. We might feel threatened by their ways of being, of living, just because that are challenging too many of our beliefs. Not reality, but our beliefs.

But, – you knew there would be a but – one way or the other, I have found through the years, that this stance is not helping. A form of rejection is so definitive. So, I am right and you are wrong. Or I want this issue to end, I just don’t want to think, talk, process or deal with it anymore. It closes the doors, my ability to look deeper into the situation. It, too often, prevents any question about the why, when, among whom, these disturbing situations had found a soil to grow.

The stance I prefer now is to privilege the position of the observer, one that I have developed through the years practicing mediation, mindfulness. But, – yes, another but – to be clear, not a so called “objective” observer, who separate him or herself from what is happening. Who observe for the sake of observing. Who believe that what he or she is doing has no measurable impacts of his or her environments. I am referring to a caring observer, an observer who has taken vows to cherish, honor and engage with the Essence of life, to be there for him or herself AND the others at the best of his or her abilities. Who is fully engaged on a daily basis in this messy world of ours with an open heart, a reflective mind and a heliotropic soul.

What I found so interesting in that stance is that it cuts through the prejudices, judgments, misconceptions I may have on the subject. It gives me the space to listen, question, reflect upon, analyze, examine, investigate further. It fills my narrative, but more so my consciousness on the subject, with discernment. A quality that gives me a granular perspective on events, instead of the limiting, drying, flattening attempt of normalization of the black and white, right or wrong position of rejection.

This doesn’t mean that trough this process I will end up agreeing with Trump, or becoming indulgent towards his damaging behaviors and actions, just because I understand where they come from. No, believe me, no. What I get out of this practice is a much better understanding of what works and what doesn’t in terms of caring for one another, for the planet, for those who have been exclude in the first place for a reason or another throughout history – women, LGBTI, Indigenous peoples, peoples from different religious creeds. It deepens my relationship with every sentient beings, – not what I think of them, but who they truly are – and my understanding of what is needed to heal the profound wounds that have been inflicted. Because, too often, what comes along with rejection is the desire to jump to a final solution, which is voice as, can we forget everything now, can we move on, can we let the past in the past and live in the present. Which, on top of everything else, alienates all those who have been traumatized and cannot shift because it will make the rest of us feel comfortable.

Nobody heals because someone else believes that it is about time….

And last, cultivating this observer – contrary to what it is sometimes believed – is not about me trying to avoid feeling angry, hopeless, impatient, or not to be horrified – which I am when I see what the 1% is capable of doing to the 99%, and more so to the First Nations of every land, to anyone who doesn’t correspond to the strict gender attributes imposed on us all, to the poorest, the mentally or physically disables, to this magnificent planet, its habitats and inhabitants. – No, not at all. – Cultivating this caring observer means that I won’t be dispossessed of these powerful energies, that I will be totally present to them, but that I won’t be blind to their shadow sides, as they may try to take charge and have an ego trip. Cultivating this observer, with studying and practicing different modalities to become wiser, more empathic and grateful, is one of the way, I have experienced, that will allow me to harness these forces – quite needed in fact – to have an impact that will serve All there is.